swallow the world

last night, biking home at 3:00 am, i opened my mouth.  at first it was just a yawn - one of those giant, mouth-stretching, jaw-creaking yawns - but still just a yawn.  and then i left it there.  open, i mean.  and i imagined swallowing the world - taking in everything around me, and somehow making it a part of myself.

that means something, i suppose.  but i won't talk more about it.

i'm feeling anything but content at the moment.  i feel like everything is too fast and too slow, all at once.  life is speeding by in tree time.

did anyone else love the mary martin version of peter pan when they were little?  i grew up on it:



right now, coolidge corner is my christmas.

and this is how i feel:

sharon van etten - "for you" (she opened for rain machine last week)

and this gets my vote for album of the year:


(thao with the get down stay down - "know better, learn faster")

and i'm trying to let myself be convinced to go vegetarian:

that'll do, i believe.

if you scratch my back, i'll scratch yours...

but you have to scratch mine first.

how?

just give me your opinions on what i should get permanently tattooed on my body.  permanently as in forever.  no big deal.  don't worry, i'll give you options...

since middle school, i've wanted a solid heart on my forearm.  because i'm silly and i believe in love.  i even drew it on my chest and took an emo-as-hell picture of myself a few years ago:

but i knew i would totally judge myself for having something so...i don't know, whatever that would be.  my-diary-is-my-best-friend-ish, i guess.  so then i decided that i wanted the words "love is all" written on my body permanently forever.  because i still believed in love, and it seemed like a pretty cool idea.  and i wanted to get it written in my dad's handwriting, because he lives like love is all more than anyone else i've ever met.  buttttt my parents aren't together, and my mom is pretty amazing at love, too.  and i didn't want anyone to feel left out, but it's not like i'm going to get "love is all" on my body twice (permanently forever) just because i don't want to offend anyone.

so i was stuck in this place where:

1) i wanted a tattoo like mad

2) i wanted it to be about love

3) i wanted to be sensitive to the feelings of people i care about (you know, my parents)

and then, about a year ago, the clouds parted and jesus smiled at me and i knew.  i knew.  i was going to get a brontosaurus tattooed on my body.  permanently forever.  a motherfucking brontosaurus.  permanently forever.

i know what you're thinking...."are you seven? and what do brontosauruses (brontosauri?) have to do with love?"

to answer your first question - yes, mostly.

and to answer the second - everything.  when i was little, my mom used to make most of my clothes.  and i had shorts covered in dinosaurs and my favorite shirt had a brontosaurus on it.  and my dad had the same shirt (see, now both of my parents are involved).  and my best birthday memory ever is of this awesome dinosaur-themed party my parents threw me and all my friends came and there were blow-up dinosaurs and strawberry cake and my dad bought like a dozen supreme pizzas even though no kid has ever like olives and i ate them for weeeeeeeks and pretended to like them because we had so many leftovers and i didn't want my dad to feel bad.

shorts proof:

isn't li'l sister anna precious?

shirt proof (i had the same one, but i can't find a picture of me with it):

check out that rad dinosaur...and those rad parents

 so...i want a brontosaurus on my body permanently forever.  because it means love and caring for people and being a kid and all kinds of great things.  but now i'm not sure what it should look like or where to get it.

i could do something basic like was what on the shorts:

or something basic but more cartoony (i think i want it to have eyes) and with the tail out instead of curled under.  or he could be eating salad (because i feel like a dinosaur every time i eat salad...leaves in the trees, you know?).  okay, probably not eating salad...but i drew it so here it is:

or riding a bike (if i got this, i'd want it on my calf...and i'd want him to be less limp-tailed and obese):

and where should i get it?  i've always wanted my tattoo to be on my forearm, but i don't know how a brontosaurus would look there:

the bicep could be cool...but what if i get that gross goose-skin stuff going on when i get old?  this stuff is permanently forever, remember?

or i could get it across my ribs...but i'm worried about getting old and fat.  (there are very few shirtless pictures of me in existence, so just imagine it):

so, it's finally time to scratch my back.  what should it look like?  where should it be?  i know that this is permanently forever, and it's ultimately up to me...but i'd really like your opinions and arguments and "that's stupids" and whatever else you have.  please?

also feel free to tell me that i should get a bigass bear on my entire forearm...maybe wearing a tie.  because it would look awesome. and sister-anna used to call me "brother bear" all the time and it made me feel warm inside.  and people have started to call me "li'l bear" now.  so obviously my spirit-animal is a bear.

okay, close your ideas and get your opinions.  and get ready to tell them to me.  because i'm going to go ahead and scratch your back, but it's pretty messed up of you to get a one-way back-scratching when you promised (you promised) to scratch mine, too.  AND i'm giving you not one, but two, back-scratches.  or back-scratching sessions, because just one scratch-o-the-back would be silly.

intellectual back-scratch:

joe paxton, a friend of mine, published a study on the neural correlates of lying and honesty a few months ago.  and the results are pretty interesting: for some people, honesty seems automatic; but for others...not so much.  this article in seed is pretty short, and definitely worth the read.

musical back-scratch:

listening to the felice brothers yesterday, i remembered that they covered a townes van zandt song ("two hands") the last time i saw them.  i decided to look up townes, and found this...there's a longer version in which the old guy (he's 79!) talks about being a blacksmith and talking to horses and drinking whiskey - it's definitely worth the time if you have it.

love (is all),

me

i want to speak at an intimate decibel, with the precision of an infinite decimal (...but i won't)

it's been a while, dear friends.  and life has been busy.

the last week and a half has mostly been occupied by concussions, broken bicycles, criminal charges, and things of that nature.  i won't go into it until after court (nov. 3 at 10:00 am, justice is served), if at all - but let's just say that sometimes people can be amazingly and surprisingly inconsiderate and immature.  and apparently i'm the kind of guy who will go out of my way based on the "principle of things."  hopefully it will be worth it.

in better news, i gave a dollar to a homeless guy the other day and didn't regret it at all.  i always worry about things like that - about being an enabler vs helping someone truly in need, about buying a guy a sandwich vs a hangover.  but i've passed this guy almost every day for a year now, and he was always kind and sunny.  and i saw him in seven-eleven once looking like a kid in a candy shop.  so i stopped and looked into his foggy eyes and told him i appreciated how good his attitude always was.  "that's how it's gotta be," he said.  and he's right, i think.

and it made me think about how i used to buy homeless people food.  and i always wanted to eat with them and talk to them and know them, but i never had the guts.  maybe i'll get the guts.  my friend brian has them, and i admire him for that.

in other news, i'm looking forward to lots of things.

Honk! is happening soon soon soon (oct 9-11).

harvard square's oktoberfest (oct 11) is themed "reclaim the streets for horns, bikes, and feet."  i'm in.

the fam is visiting.

i decided who i want to do my tattoo - alex at fat ram's. i really want it to look coloring-booky - like, childish and vibrant at the same time.  and i think he's definitely the dude to do it.  i know he already has experience with dinosaurs (that's not anything like what i want, but still...).  and check out the sweet detail on this where the wild things are tattoo he did.

duke at east river also seems amazing, but he's not really the style i'm going for.  seriously, though - corn and squid.

coolidge corner is having a midnight showing of the worst movie ever.  they're trying to get tommy wiseau to present it, in which case i'm definitely definitely definitely going to be there.  oct 17.

last (and most amazingly), the felice brothers are coming back to the paradise (nov 19).  i've thought long and hard about it, and they're my favorite live band ever.  EVER.

here's why:



and why again:

awesome, am i right?  everyone go to that show with me.  and honk and oktoberfest and the room and everything else.  and pray or meditate or cross your fingers that the law is real on nov 3, if you don't mind.

(thanks)