Saturday, October 3, 2009

if you scratch my back, i'll scratch yours...

but you have to scratch mine first.


just give me your opinions on what i should get permanently tattooed on my body.  permanently as in forever.  no big deal.  don't worry, i'll give you options...

since middle school, i've wanted a solid heart on my forearm.  because i'm silly and i believe in love.  i even drew it on my chest and took an emo-as-hell picture of myself a few years ago:

but i knew i would totally judge myself for having something so...i don't know, whatever that would be.  my-diary-is-my-best-friend-ish, i guess.  so then i decided that i wanted the words "love is all" written on my body permanently forever.  because i still believed in love, and it seemed like a pretty cool idea.  and i wanted to get it written in my dad's handwriting, because he lives like love is all more than anyone else i've ever met.  buttttt my parents aren't together, and my mom is pretty amazing at love, too.  and i didn't want anyone to feel left out, but it's not like i'm going to get "love is all" on my body twice (permanently forever) just because i don't want to offend anyone.

so i was stuck in this place where:
1) i wanted a tattoo like mad
2) i wanted it to be about love
3) i wanted to be sensitive to the feelings of people i care about (you know, my parents)

and then, about a year ago, the clouds parted and jesus smiled at me and i knew.  i knew.  i was going to get a brontosaurus tattooed on my body.  permanently forever.  a motherfucking brontosaurus.  permanently forever.

i know what you're thinking...."are you seven? and what do brontosauruses (brontosauri?) have to do with love?"

to answer your first question - yes, mostly.

and to answer the second - everything.  when i was little, my mom used to make most of my clothes.  and i had shorts covered in dinosaurs and my favorite shirt had a brontosaurus on it.  and my dad had the same shirt (see, now both of my parents are involved).  and my best birthday memory ever is of this awesome dinosaur-themed party my parents threw me and all my friends came and there were blow-up dinosaurs and strawberry cake and my dad bought like a dozen supreme pizzas even though no kid has ever like olives and i ate them for weeeeeeeks and pretended to like them because we had so many leftovers and i didn't want my dad to feel bad.

shorts proof:

isn't li'l sister anna precious?

shirt proof (i had the same one, but i can't find a picture of me with it):

check out that rad dinosaur...and those rad parents

 so...i want a brontosaurus on my body permanently forever.  because it means love and caring for people and being a kid and all kinds of great things.  but now i'm not sure what it should look like or where to get it.

i could do something basic like was what on the shorts:

or something basic but more cartoony (i think i want it to have eyes) and with the tail out instead of curled under.  or he could be eating salad (because i feel like a dinosaur every time i eat salad...leaves in the trees, you know?).  okay, probably not eating salad...but i drew it so here it is:

or riding a bike (if i got this, i'd want it on my calf...and i'd want him to be less limp-tailed and obese):

and where should i get it?  i've always wanted my tattoo to be on my forearm, but i don't know how a brontosaurus would look there:

the bicep could be cool...but what if i get that gross goose-skin stuff going on when i get old?  this stuff is permanently forever, remember?

or i could get it across my ribs...but i'm worried about getting old and fat.  (there are very few shirtless pictures of me in existence, so just imagine it):

so, it's finally time to scratch my back.  what should it look like?  where should it be?  i know that this is permanently forever, and it's ultimately up to me...but i'd really like your opinions and arguments and "that's stupids" and whatever else you have.  please?

also feel free to tell me that i should get a bigass bear on my entire forearm...maybe wearing a tie.  because it would look awesome. and sister-anna used to call me "brother bear" all the time and it made me feel warm inside.  and people have started to call me "li'l bear" now.  so obviously my spirit-animal is a bear.

okay, close your ideas and get your opinions.  and get ready to tell them to me.  because i'm going to go ahead and scratch your back, but it's pretty messed up of you to get a one-way back-scratching when you promised (you promised) to scratch mine, too.  AND i'm giving you not one, but two, back-scratches.  or back-scratching sessions, because just one scratch-o-the-back would be silly.

intellectual back-scratch:

joe paxton, a friend of mine, published a study on the neural correlates of lying and honesty a few months ago.  and the results are pretty interesting: for some people, honesty seems automatic; but for others...not so much.  this article in seed is pretty short, and definitely worth the read.

musical back-scratch:

listening to the felice brothers yesterday, i remembered that they covered a townes van zandt song ("two hands") the last time i saw them.  i decided to look up townes, and found this...there's a longer version in which the old guy (he's 79!) talks about being a blacksmith and talking to horses and drinking whiskey - it's definitely worth the time if you have it.

love (is all),


  1. you could get a brontosaurus on your back with the head on your neck, this way it would look like he was peaking out of your shirt to see the world


  2. i say the brontosaurus or the bear. if you get a heart, especially on your chest like in that so-embarrassing-i-can't-believe-you-posted-it picture, i will NOT make fun of you. but i WILL mock you in my brain and to others behind your back.

    the brontosaurus would be good because it represents love, especially the love of your parents. which is awesome because it would have an extra, ironic meaning: cuz didn't they decide that brontosauri aren't real and never existed??? (oh shit!)

    also, i call bullshit that you couldn't find a better shirtless pic. i mean, you had a better one at the beginning of your post. and you have a thousand shirtless mustache pics. admit what you did, dave, and i'll let you breathe. WHAT MOVIE WHAT MOVIE WHAT MOVIE.

  3. Because you scratch so good:

    Get the brontosaurus tattooed on your chest right where it would have been on the tshirt you wore as a kid and that your dad is wearing in that picture. That way it holds the ultimate significance. I just don't know if you can get a tattoo on your sternum.

    And Michael, Mystic River.

  4. bear or brontosaurus, win/win if you ask me.

    as far as scratching goes, im into a bear tattoo, but im pretty sure thats just because i am overflowing with california love. the brontosaurus would be fantastically permanently forever. i think simple black contour lines are nice. and he's gotta be happy and beautiful, not too cartoony.


  5. in order to further push you away from the gay stereotype that you are, i vote brontosaurus.

    bears do tend to be a symbol of a specific gay subculture (bears, otters, cubs, etc).

    i like stephen's suggestion of placement, but i LOVE mine on my wrist. i also really like the idea of you having it on your ribs - strangely intimate place.

    i wanna go with you. i'll get another tattoo. of words probably.

  6. I fell in love with the brontosaurus on the bike picture & laughed. Heartily. You should get a brontosaurus on a Harley (not obese, but RIPPED diesel!).
    I think he should look mighty and strong b/c even though part of the purpose is to represent child-likeness, you are a man now & that should be taken into account.
    Don't worry - your childlike qualities will also be represented... You see, because the brontosaurus will be jousting with a bear on a tricycle.
    Bears on tricycles are classic "circus" & nothing combines fun & innocence like the circus. And I am part-traditionalist. Thus, the image will display the universal struggle between youth & adulthood that all men experience. And while the image will be on your body, permanently forever, it will remain
    unclear, permanently forever, which one wins. And maybe neither ever wins. Though we are all hoping it is the brontosaurus. And it probably will be him because he is on a harley &
    will be attacking with much more force. And the brontosaurus will have a tatoo of a heart on his bicep. Another reason why he'll win. Because Love Wins.
    and is all. And maybe it should wrap around from your back to your stomach.